


What Could Have Been

by JessicaEBoswell



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2019-07-02 20:35:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15804117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JessicaEBoswell/pseuds/JessicaEBoswell
Summary: Everybody remembers loved ones differently, and for Shiro, it only brings regret.





	What Could Have Been

**What Could Have Been**

**-**

Shiro could hear the raucous singing and thud of loud music from the cafeteria from his room. By the sounds of it, the party was in fun swing and the revellers were enjoying themselves; he was glad that the paladins could wind down after years of battling with the Galra and their own personal problems, and they deserved an occasion in which their achievements were celebrated and their adversities lain to rest.

But for Shiro, it had been a difficult decision to politely reject the invitation. When Coran had approached him, enthusing about the celebratory party, he’d held off on giving a definite answer, but when Hunk had innocently inquired about his attendance a few days later, he’d told him that while honoured to get an invitation, he wasn’t quite feeling up to a party just yet. Hunk, being the ever understanding one, had left the subject at that and had begun rambling about fusing Earth foods with Altean cuisine. Nevertheless, Shiro had appreciated the quick change in subject.

Midnight fluttered by in her majestic haze, and after trying to put his racing thoughts to rest and get a few hours of sleep, he gave in and pushed himself up, swinging his legs off the bunk and ruffling his hair. It was still strange to look in the mirror and see a mop of white when it had once been as dark as night, and gazing at his hunched reflection staring back at him, he felt a prickle in his mind as memories teemed at the surface. He’d once had something he’d thought he’d always have, something that many would sell their souls just to get a taste of, and in his haste to chase after his ambitions and prove a point, he’d let it slip through his fingers.

He rose and caught himself on the bedside cabinet as his balance adjusted, and once he’d found his feet, he shrugged his shirt over his bare chest and made his way out of the dormitory block, heading towards the far end of the complex. He didn’t know why he was doing this to himself, all that lay there was heartbreak and guilt, but in that moment, it held the only solace he had left: the memory of what could have been.

Arriving before the memorial wall, he bowed his head in respect to the countless names etched upon each plaque and fell to his knees. His hand found the cold surface, and he reached for the name of the one person he longed for. At first, he couldn’t bear to look upon the face of the man he’d loved, the man he was going to spend the rest of his life with, but once he’d finally regained his composure, he raised his gaze upwards. “Adam,” he whimpered, fighting the urge to look away in shame. He’d done this, he’d driven his love away instead of listening to him. He should have been there when the Galra attacked, when Adam needed him the most. “My Adam.” He hoped that nobody was around to see him like this, a crumpled state of trauma and remorse; the last thing he wanted was to inflict his misery onto them and burden them with his grief, and as much as he cherished and respected every one of his teammates, he needed some time alone.

“I wish-” His words stuck in his throat and almost choked him, the tears spilling down his cheeks in streams and the agony of returning home to nobody coiling around him tightly. He’d never get that reunion with Adam, never get to apologise over and over again for leaving and tell him about all of the adventures he’d been on.

He breathed slowly, closing his eyes to calm the rising anguish enough for him to speak. “I wish things had been different,” he whispered to the image of his fiancé. “I wish I’d have been there for you, like you were always there for me. I don’t blame you for what you said before I left, we were both in a difficult position, and if I could have contacted you sooner I…” He glanced down out of the corner of his eyes at his right arm, the blue Altean glow the only source of illumination in the room. It had become second nature to him, he rarely ever thought about his absent limb anymore, but he wondered what Adam would have made of it. He could imagine the look of distress on his face and the short exchange of words as the shock sunk in, but Shiro was certain that once the worry had slowly ebbed away, Adam would have been as loving and supportive as ever. They’d have gotten through their adversities together, they’d have fought side by side, and once they’d seen peacetimes again, they’d have married and pledged the rest of their lives to each other. But that was all gone now. That was something that could have been, a life he could have led, and a time that Shiro would never get.

“I need you,” he spoke into the darkness, lifting his eyes once more to the stoic image of the man he loved, blurred by tears, and he began to worry that one day he would forget what Adam looked like; how his lips would curl and dimples form as he smiled, how he’d give him a serious glance before laughing with him after arguing over something petty and not wanting to fight about it anymore, how it felt to wrap him in his arms at the end of a busy day. He could almost feel his warmth, bundled in his embrace and safe from the dangers of the universe. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Adam.” Shiro fell to the ground, racked by the aching of his heart and the painful memories he was forced to relive on a daily basis. As he sobbed, he closed his eyes and pictured Adam as clearly as he could manage, tall, handsome, and giving him the sweetest grin he’d ever seen. “I’m sorry…” he mumbled to himself. “I’m sorry. I love you.”


End file.
